I’ve had ADHD problems since I was a kid, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 28 years old. Off and on throughout the years, I’d had passing thoughts and a few people ask if I had ADHD but ultimately I really had no clue.
Looking back though, I realize that these things [could or should have] alerted me. But in true ADHD fashion, I didn’t notice them at the time.
In true Jeff Foxworthy Fashion…Drumroll, PLEASE!
ADHD Problems with Driving
Car problems…
▶▶I got the reputation for being the person most likely to run out of gas while driving…because of how many times I’ve done it.
▶▶ The only car accidents I’ve ever been in were the result of me hitting a stationary object. Like the time I backed into a dump truck…
Tickets….
▶▶ The most common thing an officer asks me when pulling me over is “Have you been drinking? I noticed you swerving/driving at midnight without your lights on…” (For the record, I don’t drink and drive. Just in case you were concerned ?).
▶▶ The only tickets I’ve ever received were for forgetting to renew my tag. One time I got two tickets for the same dead tag…
Directional Insanity…
▶▶ It took me 6+ months to figure out how to get to work without using navigation (even though the route only consisted of 3 turns).
▶▶ But I still had to use navigation to keep from missing any or all of those 3 turns while caught up in an interesting chain of thought.
And Just Plain Zoning Out…
▶▶ While getting gas, I forgot to remove the pump before attempting to drive away…The worst part of this was seeing the mix of horror and amusement on the face of a lady right in front of me watching it happen and realizing there was no change of this going unnoticed.
▶▶ One time when driving home, I accidentally took the wrong road. I didn’t notice until I crossed the line into another state…
▶▶ I still get lost on roads I have driven daily for years.
ADHD Problems with Losing things
▶▶ I lost my phone in the couch and didn’t find it for almost a year.
▶▶ I lost every tax document I received one year and didn’t realize it until around April 10th…
ADHD Problems with Fire and Food
From bad…
▶▶ I burned the same pizza three times in a row. How, you ask? I kept adding cheese to cover the burned parts, then putting it back in the oven to melt. And then forgetting it again…
▶▶ I used to be a really bad cook due to misreading ingredients or getting distracted and turning my food to charcoal. FYI, when making boxed macaroni, the directions call for a quarter cup of milk and butter. Not a whole cup. Macaroni soup is just short of inedible.
▶▶ My friends no longer allow me near the lit candles at dinner parties because of my habit of tearing up napkins and using them to play with the flames.
▶▶ I accidentally blow up food in the microwave that there is no reason should even be able to blow up. Like hot chocolate for instance. No, it didn’t just boil over, it actually blew up with a bang and everything.
To REALLY Bad…
▶▶ I left the stove on overnight. And all day while I was at work… ?♀️ A few times…
▶▶ I caught a potholder on fire while trying to cook and threw it across the room in panic. It was shear luck that it landed in the sink…
▶▶ I caught the grill on fire because I put marinated chicken (which had oil on it) on the rack and closed the lid…then forgot about it. It almost caught the porch on fire and definitely ruined the grill.
ADHD Problems with Paying Attention
▶▶ My husband gave a toast as the best man at his brother’s wedding. I didn’t notice that in said toast he kept calling the bride by my name. I learned about it when people started teasing him about it. Lucky for him, I thought it was hilarious.
▶▶ I noticed that one of the neighbors had mowed a smiley face into their lawn only to be told that it’s been that way for the last 4 years and I was apparently only just then noticing it.
▶▶ A tree fell in front of my car and it took me three days to notice it. People around me were even commenting on the tree (and I heard them!) but I still didn’t notice it.
▶▶ My friends get annoyed me just about every time we play a game because I don’t pay attention to when it’s my turn. Games you play with me last way longer than they should.
ADHD Problems with Mess
▶▶ The shear number and extent of messes I’ve made (ahem…make) due to overlooking obvious things. You know, obvious things like making coffee without putting the pot in place to catch the drip…There was coffee everywhere.
▶▶ My (then fiancee) and friend cleaned out my car before I got married and I still haven’t lived down the stuff they found hiding there.
Thankfully, I’ve learned some ADHD friendly home organization strategies that have helped with some of these problems!
Learn to Let Go of the ADHD Shame
It’s easy to feel shame with the ADHD problems and all of the foibles we experience. Especially when they upset other people in our lives. It can be hard to move on.
To combat shame, I’ve learned the art of enjoying the humor in my fumbles. Finding humor requires that a person actively works to separate who they are from the mistake that they made.
It requires you to see the situation from an outside, more objective perspective–one that sees the action as an action and not as a definition of your worth.
Doing this, especially at first, isn’t easy for anyone. It takes time and consistent effort to make this shift but it’s definitely worth it.
It’s the difference between being able to enjoy yourself even in your foibles and feeling ashamed of yourself.
The “Upsides” of ADHD
We all need balance. Here are a few awesome things that ALSO could have alerted me that I had ADHD.
Creative
▶▶ My creativity has benefited me on every human level. Everything from writing, painting, and music to creative problem solving–being highly creative is ALSO an ADHD thing.
▶▶▶ I surprise people with my ingenuity. I’ve made work arounds to barriers I’ve faced rather than letting them conquer me. As ADHDers, we are commonly nicknamed The Innovators because of this trait.
▶▶ The constant thoughts and the struggle with impulsivity means that I have moments of pure comedic genius. Another strength among ADHDers.
Turning Struggles into Strengths
▶▶ The longstanding experience at losing things has made me a pro at finding things–my things and other people’s…Many ADHDers can relate.
▶▶ Even though I can get “obsessed” with random things, I also hyperfocus on things that are really important like seeking justice. That hyperfocus (common to most of us) means that we don’t let it rest until we’ve made a way where there is no way.
▶▶▶ I can’t bear to see people suffering. The struggles we have can deepen our empathy. That with the desire to please the people we care about adds up to being pretty generous human beings.
Business
▶▶▶ At the age of 27, I started my own business. ADHDers are often willing to take risks that scare people and we’re more likely to be self employed than other people.
Some of the biggest companies were started by ADHDers, like Ingvar Kamprad (Ikea), David Neeleman (Jetblue), Richard Branson (Virgin Group), Paul Orfalea (Kinko’s), and so many more.
▶▶▶ I can be persuasive with that empathy, passion, and humor rollin’ around.
If you’ve found that you related a lot to the first list but don’t see yourself in the second list, I’d like to propose a couple of theories as to why.
▶▶ You’re still struggling so much with the barriers of ADHD and defining yourself by your mistakes that it hasn’t left you much time, energy, or mental space to recognize strengths that may be hiding underneath all of the challenge.
▶▶ You’re too critical of yourself and unable to see yourself clearly. If you looked at that list and thought that “will never be me”, chances are your self esteem has taken a pretty big hit and you aren’t seeing yourself objectively.
We’re all different and won’t relate to everything exactly the same way.
You most likely have a combination of some of these traits plus others that are unique to you and make you awesome. Allowing yourself to recognize and value the strengths that you have help counter the shame from our ADHD problems.
This list is just a jumping off place. Use it to inspire you to identify your unique positive, whether on this list or not.
When we can let ourselves validate our strengths and appreciate them, it can help us in the fight to find humor in our foibles rather than define ourselves by them.
You are so much more than the fumbles, the mistakes, and the embarrassing moments. Don’t let yourself get deceived into thinking they make up your identity. They don’t.
Interested in Exploring More about your “upsides” of ADHD?
Check out this ADHD home course through Udemy on managing your ADHD positives. It helps you learn to maximize the potential positives of ADHD and minimize the curse part. It’s highly rated and well done. Enjoy!
What ADHD problems could have been signs to you before you found out what it was?
Hi! I just wanted to say, early in my ADHD awareness I found myself making a lot of lists like this too. It was kind of an amazing process, to find a place for all these things and start making sense of who I was and why I did what I did. And I think it’s really beneficial to others coming along behind you, too — because those foibles can cause a lot of shame. Being open about what your life is like makes all of us feel less alone <3
The thing I’ve never quite understood is the flip side: the “what ADHD gives me that I wouldn’t have had otherwise” list. A lot of people list exactly the qualities you do as the so-called “ADHD gifts.” I wonder if you’d be willing to share some of your sources for that info?
Reason being, I get a little uncomfortable applying traits like “increased empathy” or “creativity” or “ingenuity” to all ADHDers. Because when I read those “hey be thankful for your ADHD because…” lists I feel kinda left out. I know others do too.
Because while ADHD’s impairments are well documented and we all experience them to some extent, what if we missed it when they were handing out the gifts? What if we’re married to someone with ADHD who seems to lack any capacity for empathy at all? What if we don’t consider ourselves particularly creative? What if we freak out whenever something disrupts our routine and generally suck at thinking on our feet? So those folks end up feeling like they got all the bad parts but none of the big-hearted, spontaneous, creative, charmingly zany parts. And that adds on a whole new layer of “what is wrong with me???”
Anyway, I’m interested to see where so many people are getting these stats on people with ADHD having increased empathy, etc. I haven’t found it in my research and I worry about the perception being a byproduct of inequities and bias in diagnosis/treatment. Anyone can have ADHD, but not everyone gets to be thankful for it — at least that’s been my experience the more things I read and people I meet.
Last thing: I can get lost anywhere. Every so often I’ll be sitting at a red light and I’ll have this sudden moment of disorientation where I have no idea where I am. Fortunately it tends to pass quickly enough for me to realize I’m two blocks away from my house before there’s a problem. Also I’m still young enough to laugh about it ?
You won’t find a lot of research on the positive traits because they are hard to measure. They require a Qualitative design and those are not popular within research.
There’s been a few studies on the enhanced creativity, like this one: http://psydok.psycharchives.de/jspui/handle/20.500.11780/393
Most of this is based on observations from loved ones or therapists, doctors, psychologists and what they have observed in their years of caring for individuals with ADHD. In my work, I’ve definitely noticed a trend with these characteristics representing the majority of the ADHDers I’ve worked with. And many of them didn’t think they had any positive qualities at all–they didn’t see themselves clearly. This is why you are seeing a lot of information floating around about how ADHDers are more compassionate, for instance, but you aren’t seeing a study design to measure it: qualitative studies are not popular at. all.
Just like how not everyone with ADHD has the exact same combination of symptoms, not everyone has the exact combination of positives. And MOST don’t think they have positives at all. Whether or not a person chooses to look at the positive or chooses to look at the negatives is a matter of perceptions. Both can be true and I think it’s really important for people to be able to recognize that both can be true. I can have all of these negative things–it wasn’t great getting lost and ending up in another state when I was trying to get home–can be true even if I also acknowledge that, hey I’m a pretty creative person and at least part of that is because of my ability to think so randomly that it winds up being crazy and creative.
Sometimes we are right in the middle of the bad and we can’t see anything other than the bad. That’s understandable. It also doesn’t mean that the bad is the only thing that exists. A few years ago, I went through the most stressful experience I’ve ever had and I was horribly mistreated by someone in power over me. For a long time, I could only see the horror of the thing. Now, as I look back with a little distance, the horror is still just as horrible but I can also recognize that it wasn’t just horror. It it weren’t for that incident, some of the best things that have ever happened to me–wouldn’t have happened. Doesn’t mean I’m “grateful” for the horror or minimizing the horror by saying that something good came out of it too.
Sometimes the most helpful thing in the world is for our perception to shift just a little toward center and for many people with ADHD, overcoming the shame of what they’ve experienced and coming a little closer to center, is to recognize the good–not to dismiss the bad, but to bring us closer to center.
It’s ok if a person doesn’t relate to every benefit–it only stands to reason that they won’t since they also don’t relate to every symptom. I will say though, a lot of the time it’s not because it doesn’t exist but because ADHD often impacts our self esteem and we don’t see ourselves clearly, allow ourselves credit, etc… For instance, you mentioned that you can’t relate to the positives list, and maybe you didn’t mean everything on it, but it’s pretty obvious to me that you are creative as a reader of your blog. Your posts focus on topics that it seems like no one else is covering. That’s creative…and innovative (which to me basically means creativity at work lol).
I encourage people, rather than paying attention to the details of the list, use it to help you think about your positives. NOT because they make it something other than a disability but because it’s a healthy exercise and benefits our mental wellbeing.
OMG, been reading this article and when I got to the part of HSP with ADD it is me to the tee , I too was in my late 20’s when I found out at the time I had ADD and when I started meds it has helped me so much in my everyday life , but I know it is only a tool and not a cure and I have to work on the obstacles when they show up and sometimes it’s hard and other times I can nip it before I get to focused on certain task because like we all know we can get lost in the moment and find out that hours have past and still have things to finish by the end of day and then your running around trying to finish up with those things that were started but not finished , I guess for me I get into this panic phase to finish because I don’t like to leave without finishing my work , you know no one else can do it better then doing it yourself lol , if I don’t I finish then I beat myself up and will bring it home with me and it will be like a recording in my head all night . I will feel uneasy at times when others complement me but will hold onto any criticism I got that day or weeks before and that is the hardest to overcome to just let things go and not take it so personally.I wish more people ( coworkers , bosses , mangers etc.) would understand that you have so many wonderful quality’s to contribute to the company , and not just hold onto the flaws they may see of you , I have lost a job I had for 14 years when a new owner took over 3 years ago and was so blinded or just didn’t care about the battles I go through everyday or even appreciate the hardworking soul I am and to let me do my work my way and not telling me to do it her way , made me feel stupid , while if I could of done it the way I knew I would of conquered her view of me but can’t change someone that doesn’t care or value the person struggling to do good , and even though I have a new job and it’s been a year now it still eats at me in what happened and feel so angry that this women destroyed a job I loved for 12 years pier to her taking over and still I look for the answers to some how let it go and not let her control me any longer, to try to trust again and to convince myself that I am a good person, and someday feel that I am valued and not someone else’s misfit .
Losing jobs unfairly is painful. I went through something kinda similar (different details) and definitely struggled to recover emotionally. It’s gotten better over the years but still bothers me when I think about it sometimes. Criticism and mistreatment hurt anyone but seem to impact us to a greater extent which makes sense as we seem to get it more often and often have trouble not hyperfocusing on it. We need caring and supportive people in our lives and we also need to learn to become caring and supportive people to ourselves. If you’ve never heard of mindful self compassion, I highly encourage it. I think it’s a great framework for learning the be good to ourselves.
I’ve been reading your website all day today. So much great information. My youngest son was just diagnosed with ADHD (along with ODD and severe anxiety) and my husband and I are taking an ADHD parenting class and of course they start off with “symptoms” of ADHD and I’m off in la-la land, and I get a nudge from hubby. Then what I thought was a second later… Another nudge… Completely confused and – in all honesty – angry after the class I start getting snippy with husband and he was, that lady described you to a T. Doh! He wrote me a little list because obviously I wasn’t paying attention and now I’m starting to see what he’s talking about. So much makes sense about my whole life now. Its insane. Either way, thank you for this wonderful sight, you have gained a new reader!
Hi Jennifer!
I’m so glad to have you here and that you found me. It sounds like you’re on the path to discovering the source of your own challenges. I had a similar moment with my husband as he’s looking over the symptoms and goes “Oh, you’ve got this REAL bad!” There might have been an eye roll and some stuff mumbled under my breath ? but he wasn’t wrong.
I’m really glad you’re here. As you’ve been browsing, have you noticed the facebook group for us ADHD women? I’d love to have you and get the change to connect with you further.
Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow! I am in my early 60s and am starting to make peace with my ADHD! I saw some behaviors, but medication didn’t seem to help much, so I danced around (picture it!) the diagnosis for years. Last month at an appointment to evaluate med treatment, which had been rescheduled, and I was non-medicated, i was such a motor-mouth, and described my life, my behavior and that of my daughter and granddaughter who absolutely have ADHD, in such a fast and circuitous way, that the prescriber said she had no doubts about the diagnosis, since I had just demonstrated it in her office! I was totally aware of what I had just done, and had to admit that, yes, I had just acted it out.
I am so relieved at being able to shed some of the shame about my “weirdness” all of those years! Now that I can accept that many of my foolish choices were due to neurological misfirings, and not moral or character failings, I have had a HUGE burden lifted off my shoulders!!
I have alot of emotional baggage yet to “offload,” but your article was really helpful! Of course I found it while procrastinating on finishing up my tax prep for the last 3 years (!! Ya think??), so I need to set it aside and come back!
Thank you sooo much!!!
Hi Pat!
I’m so glad to be part of your journey to “shed the shame” of ADHD! Thank you for sharing your story; I truly believe that as we accept ourselves and own our story, we inspire and empower others to do the same. Thank you!
Also, good luck on those taxes. UHGGGGG, they are the WORST! I just found out today I have to correct mine for this year. I foresee some procrastination in my future as well ?
Hi! It’s me again! I read this pin again today and thought it sounded a little familiar, and thought I would comment on a couple of things (creativity and entrepreneurship, before I forget! LOL!), and then saw that I already did comment!! So; creativity is not always artistic or musical, or the other “creative arts.” One way I am creative is with ideas and concepts; I “see” connections that aren’t obvious, and I can come up with some pretty creative solutions to problems. But I have said and done some pretty goofy things in my day, and took the disapproval personally. It’s hard not to when we get corrected (ahem) 20 times for other kids’ 1 time. As for the arts and comedy, I think the connection betweem them and ADHD is at least anecdotal, when you see how many artists and comics have it. They are making connections the rest of the world doesn’t!
And as for being entrepreneurial, I suspect alot of that is due to not fitting into the corporate structure very well! And, of course, that creativity doesn’t always get appreciated well in that structure. Let’s face it: our education system is geared toward producing good corporate followers, and ADHDers don’t fit the classroom structure or the corporate structure!! Can you imagine Steve Jobs or Sir Richard Branson or Robin Williams in a cubicle? Aaaaugh! Nobody would get any work done!!! But let them be creative on their own terms, and look what you get!
Hi again, Pat! It’s always nice to “see” and friendly face! And you are totally right. Creativity isn’t just painting and poetry. It’s also creative thinking and ideas. One of the things I’m most proud of is being a creative problem solver! So many ways to be creative beyond the “traditionally accepted” methods and we have a tendency toward creativity with our flexible thinking 😉
Thank you for writing this. I am a 53 year old woman with ADHD. Your article brought back some funny memories. I have gotten so strict with myself, I miss the old me. I think we must embrace the humor and the privilege of ADHD.
Yes! I think you are so right–embrace it!
ADHD for as long as I could move! Brain going 200 mph and body close behind. Got spanked, twigged (tree twig switching) and blamed for everything that got broke or mislaid. Yes, I was guilty of some, however not all. Parents were ashamed of me because I spoke my mind before I had time to decipher my thoughts. Called names like “Bull in a china closet” and many others. Finally at 21 my doctor and I had a long talk. ADHD was still being studied, yet medication let me get my thoughts together. Ohmygoodness, I discovered I really wasn’t as bad as the family accused me of being. I’m 66 now and still ADHD. I didn’t outgrow it, like many said I would. Maybe when I’m 76 I’ll slow down! LOL, wanna bet! Anyway, this was and is my life and I love me.
I so love a person who fully embraces who they are! AND, you sound like my kind of people! Thanks for commenting, Jody. Your story made me smile because no matter what you experienced, you were stubborn enough to triumph over it. I Love it!
OMG, I thought my persistence (on things that matter to me) and my inability to tolerate suffering in the people I meet was something that was just me, I didn’t know it was a part of this. I also started my own business doing programming work, I create teams of people to help them find real connection. I’ve been doing that for years and years, even though I’m shy. I want to say to other people with ADHD if you are a good person and you strive to help other people then let go of the shame of not always paying attention and remembering things. That’s actually hard for me to do but now I wish I had a team of ADHD people so we could help each other.
Hi Suzie! Love the encouragement here! Thank you so much for sharing ❤